Toxic Positivity

To be honest it's a good thing to always be positive about everything but there's always that line between toxic positivity and genuine positivity. 

Let's take a look at the definition of toxic positivity. 

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It's a "good vibes only" approach to life (Cherry, 2021). 

This kind of approach may seem favourable but it can be harmful at times. We need to face the fact that we (or maybe a few individuals around us) can't be positive all the time. By using this kind of approach in life, we may limit our emotions to only happiness. Tanpa kita sedari, sometimes, we bury all the other natural human emotions such as sadness, anger and confusion way down deep. Focusing on the bright side of things is great. But mentally blocking your other emotions in the process, not so much. 

But for me lah, toxic positivity ni is more harmful when you're using it as a response to other people's problems. 

When someone is expressing their feelings of sadness, one thing that you should not do is to invalidate their feelings. 

Always try to be a good listener rather than an active speaker in situations where your friends etc are expressing their grief. 

You know what's worse? When they already pluck up the courage to share their problems with you but you end up saying things like "Other people have it way worse. Just be positive and be grateful lah." 

Analogy nya macam ni, imagine you broke your arms, and then you go to the hospital for treatment but then the doctor said "Eh sorry ya there are other patients yang lagi parah daripada you, hilang kaki hilang tangan hilang pedoman apa semua. Just take painkillers and be grateful you still have your legs." 

Nampak macam tak ada correlation kan? Sebab memang tak ada correlation pun. 

Toxic positivity can take a wide variety of forms. Some examples you may have encountered in your own life:

When you express disappointment or sadness, someone tells you that “happiness is a choice.” This suggests that if you are feeling negative emotions, then it’s your own choice and your own fault for not “choosing” to be happy.

Source

Please, for the love of God, do not invalidate other people's feelings to make way for your toxic positivity way of life. 

Sometimes people will say that there's no use in being sad or angry because you can't change what's done. Also at times, they will say "happiness is a choice". These days I feel like people are too caught up in the idea that all these are a "choice" that they forget that most of the time people don't "choose" to be sad. It's an automatic emotional response. 

Look, the thing is, sadness, anger, and all that, they are not meant to be a solution. They are a form of expression. Let people feel what they want to feel or in this case, what they can't help but feel. Give them time to process their grief. Let's say after a while they are still sad. Then help them. They might be clinically depressed ke apa we never know. 

Thing is, bila kita invalidate apa yang orang lain rasa ni in a way kita dah hilang rasa empathy tu. 

In less critical situations okay lagi. Tapi kalau kita say all this, lets say, to people who have mental health conditions, people who lost their jobs or we say it to sexual assault survivors, ketahuilah kita ni memang tak membantu langsung malah menyumbang kepada kesedihan dan kesusahan orang lain. 

Yes, happiness is a "choice". But sadness, anger, grief and pain are inevitable. You can't simply ask people to shut off their emotions and stop feeling things other than what you want them to feel. 

Bunyi macam aku marah pulak. Hahaha tak marah pun. Sekadar peringatan untuk kita bersama. Yalah kadang2 kita tak sedar apa yang kita cakap lagi2 bila kita rasa macam masalah dia memang remeh. Contohnya kucing dia mati ke lepas tu kita gelakkan pulak. Dahlah gelakkan. Lepas tu suruh dia "be positive". 

Sedih tau kucing mati. Hanya orang yang ada bela pets je yang faham. Dulu aku pernah ada kucing lepas tu dia mati kena langgar. Sumpah sedih gila. Nasib baik sekarang dah tak ada bela kucing.