Black and White

A few days ago I took like, more than 5 personality quizzes to see which Myers-Briggs personality type that suits me best. Every few months or so (or once a year?) I would take online personality quizzes out of curiosity to see if ada perubahan atau tak and usually, the results are more or less the same.

I did personality quizzes before and the results selalunya bercampur. Half the time I would get an 'E' result (extrovert) while the other half I would get an I (introvert).

To be honest, I always consider myself as an ambivert though. I am always about that balance.

My result stated that "Your energy style is a blend of introversion and extraversion, and as such, you are neither a true Introvert nor a true Extravert."

Even without the personality quizzes I think deep down I already know. Different group of people from different parts of my life always have mixed reviews regarding my personality. This part would think this while the other part would think otherwise.

Like for instance, at university or during my matriculation era, people don't regard me as an introvert. Especially during matriculation, I was that hyperactive kid in class who can't seem to shut her mouth up. You can say that matriculation era was my peak energy level. I was so hyper that when I think about it aku rasa letih ahahahhaha!

At university pun. Talking to people is entertaining actually. Listening to stories is entertaining. I don't think I have trouble in that area.

On the contrary, in my family, most of the time my sister does all the talking ever since I was little so people would naturally pay all their attention to her. Hence, I'm the introvert.

So which am I? An introvert? Or an extrovert? Well, at this point (like I previously stated) you probably already know that I'm an ambivert.

Which got me thinking.

You know... Sometimes not everything is black and white. They say seeing is believing but there is more than meets the eye, yeah?

Not everything is just that and only that. Sometimes, things are not as simple as they seem. And sometimes, there is this grey area in between that black and white that people often overlook. 

Like Star Wars. (Sorry for geeking out but I can't help myself.)

If you ever watch Star Wars you probably would notice how this whole black-and-white and dark-and-light thing play a vital part in the plot. The whole series is basically a huge philosophical discussion of what is right and what is wrong.

In Star Wars, basically, the lead girl Rey is this perfect portrayal of a heroine in which she is all about justice, hope and righteousness.

But at the same time, she's also struggling with her inner darkness.

Basically in The Last Jedi you can see a few scenes in which she shows that she is intrigued and attracted to the dark side. Especially that scene where she jumps into the ocean. 

And then there's Kylo Ren. The antagonist.

He's a villain. He does a lot of bad things including torturing and killing just to name a few. He also has anger management issues as well as a thirst for power. Tapi at the same time, he's attracted to the light side.

Star Wars nih banyak gunakan metaphor and heavy use of symbolisms which I think is beautiful. Good people can be bad. Bad people can be good. Humans are always a mixture of both. It depends on the path you act on. That's who you truly are. (Pergh... tuh dah cerita Harry Potter dah tu. Ayat Sirius Black 😂).

Kalau in everyday life pulak, tak payah pergi jauh-jauh. Tengok diri sendiri dah cukup.

You are the hero in some people's story. You are also the villain in some people's story. Ada orang yang senang dengan kau. Ada orang yang tak suka dengan cara kau. You're the good person. You're also the bad person. 

So which one are you? Good or bad?

Well you're probably both.

Some people acknowledge your good side. Some only see your bad side. But are they wrong? 

Nope. They're probably not. You are both good and bad. You probably did some  significantly bad things. You also probably did some significantly good things.

So you're probably not a bad person considering your good deeds.

But you're not entirely a good person either considering your bad deeds. So what are you? 

Well, all I can say is that you're human.

Humans are, to me, a mixture of bad and good. Always. Cumanya at times, one of these traits is more dominant than the other. Assuming you don't have any personality disorders, dominant trait tu you can control. 

So basically, I am human.

I am a good person in someone's story. I am also a bad person in someone's story. Two sides of the same coin.

Bottomline, see yourself as who you truly are. Embrace your flaws. Be comfortable in your own skin. At the same time, strive to be better. And carry on.

p/s: Benda sama yang buat aku down my entire sem 4, happened again this semester. Kecewa is an understatement. But it's okay. I'll make it through.

p/ss: Had a cleaning spree today. Wiping out dirt and organizing felt good. I've been wanting to sort out all those things since forever. Well, decluttering is fun plus its very therapeutic. Outer order contributes to inner calm they say. 

p/sss: I really, really, reaaalllyyy miss being an active blogger macam masa zaman sekolah dulu. Might start blogwalking again. We shall see. We shall seeeeeeee (quoting Supreme Leader Snoke from Star Wars).